end of highschool

highschool is over, now what ?

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Just two days ago, I finished my last high school exam. As I sat down with what’s left of my classmates, I couldn’t help but wonder why am I gonna miss this? In fact, I’m supposed to be entering my third year of uni next autumn, but I failed two classes in high school, which is why I was stuck there for five years. My high school experience was so strange. Each year was different than the other, yet all of them sucked except for a few moments that feel like they were only yesterday. I wonder if they were even real because I spent the entirety of my life taking small moments and dreaming them into something bigger.

I don’t know and that’s the problem.

I don’t know why I already miss it, despite it being the time when I was at my lowest.

I don’t know why I miss all these people even though I mostly felt left out and misunderstood by them.

Where is my life going to head? And is everybody going to change after high school? I don’t know and I didn’t know two days ago. That’s why I decided to spend time with my classmates till the last minute, because you never know if you’ll wish you did after ten years pass. You never know if any of us is going to change, so I wanted to sit with who they are before they change.

Do people change after high school?

And I’m not talking career or looks wise. I’m talking about who people are at their core.

It seems like everyone gets really boring after adolescence ends, they become more conservative less bubbly and more depressing. They blame it on responsibilities or “maturing,” but that’s all bullshit to me. Ain’t no way people erase certain characteristics that make them who they are, especially the parts that aren’t even flawed. I do believe the pressure of society makes some people bury certain things about themselves, but with the right person or the right timing, you can see glimpses of who they once were, and it’s so sad to me. All of our spark and playfulness, we dull it down just for the sake of this shit called adulthood.

Fuck adulthood!

I wanna be a teenager forever with so much free time and zero responsibilities.

one thing I'm going to miss about highschool is the closeness and intimacy you have with friends & classmates, though they may be hypocrites but there's a certain sweetness about friendships when you are a teenager, the trust and unstoppable laughter, the comfort you get because everyone has time for you and finally the freedom to say whatever you want without being harshly criticized because no matter how different people are they are not as conservative and strict when they are an adolescent.

There were six of our classmates left. One has this beautiful, long, honey blonde dyed hair that shines so bright under the sun. Lately I’ve been having a blonde fever. I’m hungry for a level 10 box dye and a toner. Something I’m supposed to tell a friend instead of you guys, but I’ve got no one. Which leads me to talk about how hard it is to have no friends at a transitioning point in life. Going from teenhood to adulthood shouldn’t be that hard with a group of friends that just get you. You could talk it out at a restaurant. But that’s not the case for me.

The thing is, I could have friends, but all the people around me don’t have the same mindset as me. We are polar opposites and I can’t sit with people I feel left out and misunderstood by, let alone be judged. So I’m right here writing this to whoever is going to read it.

The whole point of doing this column, besides pretending I’m Gen Z Carrie Bradshaw, is because I love to yap. And where else am I free to yap about everything except on the internet? And by the way, since summer is here, this column is going to turn into a weekly column because I have all the time in the world right now. So instead of wasting it crying about how much I hate living with my parents, I could just write it out. I better start getting paid by August because at this point, I’m the only real bitch on this app. I deserve all the attention and money from people.

Back to living with my parents.

I think the last thing you need as a teenager transitioning into an adult is to live with family members that make you want to scream at the top of your lungs. I’m not even 20 yet and I’m about to lose my voice from living with these cunts. You say get a job. Well, I could, but I’m trying to enjoy my last summer doing nothing because I know my life is going to be pretty fucking busy once September starts.

Oh, and nothing worse than living with toxic parents is going on vacation with them. These motherfuckers are planning on vacationing after not speaking to each other for seven months last year. Please tell me I’m not crazy, but they are. That’s literally the last thing I need right now. I can’t even go outside to get my hair done without anxiety drifting through my entire body because of them.

I just wish I could sleep 100 years and wake up dead. I can’t do this life thing anymore. I’ve got no idea where my life is gonna head. I mean, I’ve got an idea, but I’ll keep it a secret for now.

Till later,

your fav internet personality,

XOXO

babydoll .

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